Thursday, December 29, 2011


Everyone is getting together some New Year resolutions right about now, and that's fine and well, except it means the gym is going to be crowded because of it.
My resolution has never been to go to the gym more often, specifically because in January, when everyone is delightfully germy, I do not want to touch the treadmills. Actually, I think one of my resolutions this year is to quit the gym. I never go. If I want to be rid of $35 so badly each month, I'm sure I can find a better way. In the meantime I will follow my regular fitness routine of sometimes stretching in the bathroom at work. You laugh, but I can touch my toes. Almost.

So my resolutions for 2012 are as follows:
1. Quit the gym
2. Get more exercise (ha, see what I did there?) Maybe from a yoga DVD I got at the library. I don't care.
3. Drink more water - I hate intaking liquids, I don't know why, but I can probably go a whole day and not notice that I'm thristy and not realize why I don't feel so great. That's a rare occurence, but it needs to never happen.
4. Drink more alcohol - One thing that happens after leaving college is you leave behind your drinking buddies. This isn't a bad thing, because sometimes they were your too-much-drinking buddies, but lately I drink so rarely that my head swims after two glasses of white wine. No more!
5. Use lotion often. Lotion is like lip balm, but for your whole body: it keeps you soft and kissable. Or, more realistically, it keeps you from having annoying itching fits because the weather is drying out your skin. Tediousness is no excuse. Full-body lubings commence!
6. Wear more makeup. I have a ton of it. Let's smear that shit on.
7. Understand technology. As a kid, I was a wiz at fixing the VCR with a fork. I never really progressed beyond this, and I should.
8. Do zany things. Maybe zany isn't the right word, but I mean do stuff like stick Valentines in strangers' mailboxes. Or at least swipe strangers into the transit system with my card. It makes me happy, it saves people $2.25. It can be redeemed for a prize at the Karma Points Counter. Like being a koala in my next life. I would really like that.

There are probably more things, but since resolutions are meant to be kept the whole year, I wanted to keep it small and simple. But maybe just two more things, which I started doing pretty recently, and am resolving to continue doing for at least 12 more months:

8. focus on the positive - I'm amazingly amazing at going down black holes of Everything Is Wrong Oh My God I Hate You/Me/Society/Rocks/Sea Urchins So Much. And when the walls start to Star Wars garbage-compactor on me, I think of the things that I'm grateful for and refuse to trick myself into forgetting them. Because that's what a crap spiral is: temporary selective amnesia. And,
9. Be kind. I haven't shoved past anyone on the train station escalator in months EVEN WHEN THEY STAND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE. You're welcome, New York City.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, fucking resolutions. I keep a journal and sometime this December, I wrote out 3 or 4 resolutions for myself - like you, "things I could really try to do for the whole year." Then I flipped back to exactly one year ago, and lo and behold, there they were, the 3 or 4 of the same items, staring back at me. -_-

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